It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
