FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
