I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize