I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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