He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
