Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
