Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
