she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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