Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
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