So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
