dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
