If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
