I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
