It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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