There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize