I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
