I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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