garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
