guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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