I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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