Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
