he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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