Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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