i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
