I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
