Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The dick lei will go down in squad history
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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