Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
