Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
