literally had 100 drinks last night.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
