And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
