So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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