CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
