Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
