Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
