Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Edward fifth and chaser hands
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
