You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Two words: nipple clamps
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