I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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