There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
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