We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
