Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
