My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
