bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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