a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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