When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize