I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
