I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
