he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
