totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
