i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
