She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
