I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
