And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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