three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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