I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
