nut hugger
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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