I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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