I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
