I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
