I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Randomize
