She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Randomize
