I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
So much rum. So many feels.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
