every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize