Already got asked if we're dating
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
no you cant smoke seaweed
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
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