she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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