you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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