remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
