Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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