the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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