Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
